Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Disclaimer: You are Retarded

I think it's a fairly universal phenomenon, that no matter where you work, you are eventually going to get phone calls from people who are fucking retarded. Maybe they are just confused, maybe they are bitches, but at the end of the day, you really want to be able to slam the phone down and go "die cunt" alas.. needing that weekly paycheck stops most of us from doing this.

Not when I have my own company.

I might just call it "you are too stupid to call me. die cunt. pty ltd"

One major pet peeve is when people ring up and give you their number but stray from the classic 4 digit. 3 digit. 3 digit format and just start yelling out random numbers at you:


Hey, we're not playing a game of BINGO here! Fuck off.

At any rate when I place my ad in the Yellow Pages you can rest assured that it will look something like this:

PH: 0011 61 2 9374 3497
Phone now for all your smart person needs!

DISCLAIMER: do not phone us if you cant properly communicate what is it you need and then hang up in a huff, we don't care and will refer to you as 'that cunt' anytime you ring us in the future. Don't call us if you are too stupid to remember to get a pen if you plan on asking questions. Only give us phone numbers in the 4/3/3 split format. Don't call to speak to the manager if you have some retarded question that a phone monkey could answer. Don't call us then put us on hold. Don't send faxes through to our phone line, this is a different number, if you cant properly tell the difference between two different sets of numbers, go back a square and call us when you graduate from year 3.

Now accepting applications.


Epskee said...

As I read this the phone rang....

it was that cunt calling

he gave me his landline 98 425 312

my resume is on your fax machine now

Anonymous said...

nah - don't say "0011". That only works in Ostraya, and if you're already in Ostraya then you don't need the 0011 bit.

It's +61 2 yada yada

0293 743 497 ? 4/3/3 split.

Rach said...

the 4/3/3 split refers to mobile phone numbers

im sure if I lived OS i would have other anal number formula quirks..

Rach said...

but I like my landlines in the simple 4/4 split



I also fold my underwear

I'm Shella said...

you are awesome
i just came across your blog, i've worked as admin/reception for 10 years.
many times, i've hung up and muttered, "f*ckwit of all f*ckwits" haha