Sunday, July 13, 2008

28 Reasons to stay home this week

Freaks who reserve tables at bars under fake names:

haaaaaaaaaaaaa. Herb had a great night. Excellent turnout, moreso than the people who reserved half the bar for their party and had about 5 people show up.. Losers. Note to self: Less is More.

DJ Random..really had a ratio of 1/4 of good songs vs what the hell is this song? And why the hell would you play 4 bars of 'sweet dreams' then go into some Kanye West shit?? We need to talk.

Catholic Influx.. seriously I am not leaving the house this week without putting rubber gloves on, what with all the jizz that will be spread around the place, World Youth Day is pretty much Cancun for Catholics.. a whole lot of praying and handjobs.... sweet. Just don't touch me.
How un-tanned am I!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously.. I need to go roll around in the dirt or something.
Bragh..
At the end of day all you need is 10 peeps, 3 bot bots, 1 pseudonym, and at least 2 people to promise you that if you did decide to take Heroin for the purpose of writing a really good book (as all the best art stems from massive herion abuse, lets not delude ourselves that this isnt true) BUT... as much as I really want to write that amazing book with the aid of heroin ideas.. I really dont want to end up a junky on the street giving handjobs to strangers. So for my 28th I made pacts, that if I end up giving handies for anything less than $20 for a bag of dope, you need to pull me out of it and put me in rehab, and then send me to Mauritius to get a tan.
And that's what friends are forrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Now I just need to get my hands on some White Lines so I can pen my masterpiece: I am not an Addict.

1 comment:

Chole said...

You can add "accidentally dying your fucking hair BLACK" to that list. Oh, you didn't? Well I did :p