Friday, June 20, 2008

Fuck the Dentist

Everyone hates the dentist. It's no big secret. I hate the dentist too.

I don't hate them cos of the drilling, the poking, the prodding, the sticking of pointy metal daggers into my tooth.

I hate the smarmyness.

Everytime I go to the dentist they always tell you the same thing:

You should only be drinking water
You should only be eating sugar free lame-ass food
Flossing!!!!!

yeah no shit.

Tell me something I don't know.

"really!?! you mean brushing my teeth with redskins and gargling with Pepsi is no good?"

You take all the fun out of livin.

The last time I went to the dentist they told me that I wouldn't be able to eat anything hot.. nor cold... awesome?! what does that leave then? AIR! are the dentists in conspiracies with modeling agencies to make everyone anorexic?? all signs point to yes.

And so I have a toothache. It's bad.
But I refuse to go to the dentist, for one I don't need the goddamn "you have to floss" lecture again. At least not till a time when I can knit together some floss-pants, a floss-halterneck and some floss-earrings...."flossing you say? never heard of it.."

If it comes down to it, I will just find an old ice-skate, hole up in a cave and do the ol 'Cast Away' treatment.

Worked fine for Tom Hanks.. as long as I have a volleyball to get me through the pain, i'll be fine.

Floss This!!!!!

4 comments:

KittyMeow said...

Ha!
Lol.
I'm an adult with BRACES. So I get this a looooot. Gotta look after the scrap-yard in my mouth. Hehe.

But. I think you need a new dentist. Nothing worse than that condescending tone they give you. I thought all dentists were like this. Meant to guilt you into feeling like the scummiest mouth on earth at every visit. But no - have faith! There are some good ones out there that wont "tsk tsk" you. Just keep searching. Its kind of like finding a new hairdresser. Really quite a painful process but so worth it when you land a good one!

:-D

Rach said...

don't even get me started on hairdressers.

I am one giant walking Split End

kiki said...

i hate dentists because of the price tag!

Sarah said...

Yeah the cost is a killer. I'm lucky enough to have had all good experiences with dentists (though my parents were the toothbrush nazis when I was a kid, so it wasn't like the dentist ever had anything to nag me about). The only bad thing that ever happened to me at the dentist was having my teeth whitened, and I inflicted that agony on myself.