Monday, May 12, 2008

The Mount Annan Times

Hard Candy = Crap Candy

Lets get one thing straight first up. I love Madonna. Love. I would fly to the other side of the globe to see Madonna tour. To which I entered a competition to do just that. Didn't win. The booby prize was the Hard Candy CD.

Can someone just shoot Timbaland and Timberlake please??!! They have NO PLACE producing and being part of a Madonna album.
"4 Minutes to Save the World" is probably the most annoying song on the radio right now, I have actually injured my hand punching the speakers in the car to get them to just shut the fuck up. It is a sad testament to the album then that this is probably the best song on it.

To me it just seemed like every song was a reject from the Futuresex/Lovesounds album, and Madonna didn't even read, let alone listen to half the shit that came out of the recording studio. Pharrell, The Timb's, they only care about one thing. The Beat. And sure there are some good beats, and they might even sound good with some Snoop, or Juzzo over them. But they don't do Madonna any justice.

Very Very Sad. This is a far cry from the Confessions album. I dont think I can even give it a rating. But I did however bruise about 4 bones punching my speakers so i'll give it that.

Broken Bones: 4 Bones.

Shitty Wok

This shouldn't be too much of a newsflash to people, but people shouldn't eat out of thai restaurants that set up shop in carparks.

The inaugural Mothers Day feast this year was hosted in Mount Annan's Shitty Wok (well it was actually Shitty Thai, but lets not split hairs) Yowsa. I am pretty open minded when it comes to food. Rarely is anything that bad that I won't eat it. (Hey I have on occasion eaten pizza out of the garbage) but I couldn't bring myself to eat one bite.

I go to Thai at least once a week. Bad Thai is a hatecrime. I know my Pad-Khee-Mao lady, so don't try to tell me that what you placed in front of me was Pad-Khee-Mao. "umm what is this?" i asked putting my fork through the sea of spaghetti noodles and carrot sticks, she tried to persuade me that it was edible. I didn't want to die of Shitty Wok poisoning so I had water, sweet nutritious water.

Things that should never be in hate-crime-pad-khee-mao: celery, carrot sticks, limp capsicum, 2 tonnes of spaghetti noodles. However not to be rude, we feigned a massive hang-over and put it in takeaway containers so we could dispose of our Shitty Wok in more private circumstances. Like whupping it at the 'You are now leaving Mount Annan, a Christian Community' sign.

Broken Signs: 1 Sign

Poignant Tinned Can Vagina Art

Art is a personal thing. Sometimes you get it. Sometimes you just want your 30 mins of life back. If you want to think about art I suggest seeing the Fiona Hall exhibition at the MCA. Highlights include: The tinned can vaginas. Poignant. Is my vagina in a tin can of society? these are the thoughts that evoked through the cool steel pieces that run around the exhibition walls. Birdhouses made from money. A giant hammer made from hundreds of puppet insurgent warriors. However, there were no suitable mothers day gifts in the giftshop. (my mum would have appreciated a tin-canned vagina, but marks mum eats at Shitty Wok. Case Point)

The World Press Photo exhibition was great. So many potential album covers. However if one was to get the rights to 'black crows in flight over mass bombing in an Afghanistan market village' you would have to have an album, with music to do this photo justice. Delta Goodrem, you cannot use this as your next album cover.

And finally, the Sex Twins and the Charles Billich Gallery in the Rocks. The art was nice, lots of naked blondes with their asses in the air, with chihuahuas. $35,000 for a painting is a little out of my price range. Disturbing. ( However, not as disturbing as the blonde-twins and their chihuahua's who ran the gallery.... incest anyone?? no?? is that just me then??)

Artistic Vaginas: at least 80.

And that's how you do weekends, Rachel Style.

1 comment:

Skinny Girl said...

Ooohhhh, tinned vaj. Now that is interesting.