Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The Real Macky D's

Noone wants to be in McDonald's commercials. I totally get it. You're selling out to 'the man' 'the evil corporation corrupting the youth', 'health issues and child obesity' at any rate you're supporting an organisation that fronts itself with a creepy clown, and we all know that clowns are pedophiles.

What I don't understand is why don't they stop marketing their ads towards kids and families and settle on making ads that represent their main demographic.

Drug Fucked Severly Hungover Comatose Alcoholics.

This is where it's at.

Even at the classiest joint, at the end of a long night talk inevitably turns to going to Macky D's.... I could have eaten at a 5 star restaurant, downed umpteen cocktails and still the thought of that lucious burger on my lips will make me run into oncoming traffic on George St in order to get me a quarter-pounder meal deal.

Macky D's is where its at.. if where you're at is 4am and hanging your head in the toilet.

It is the cure-all for deadly hangovers.


This is me. A fairly regular occurance of falling asleep under the coats in whatever club we happen to be entertaining that evening, and cracking one bleary eye open only when the mention of fries and burgers is in the air.

"Burgers you say! well I was going to go the bathroom for the 6th time to vomit up my spleen, but I could do with a burger!"

They need to make ads that appeal to the scumbuckets in us all.

INT: We open on a Macky D's.. Wee Hours. A crowd of people who have been on the town drag themselves in. They keep their sunglasses on to keep out the glare of the offending sunlight and the retina dissolving flurescent lighting that pelts down from above.

Someone goes into the bathroom and spews.

Someone falls asleep under the communal newspaper.

Two pingerheads fawn all over each other, drawing fake tattoos on each other from pens stolen from the counter.

People sit down chowing into their burgers and the tagline reads:

Macky D's.. The least offensive thing in your system today.

It's Real. It's Where its at. It's You. It's Me. It's all of us. Don't Deny it. We've all been there. Delicious Burgers for vomitting up later in the day.

A Happy Meal should come with an eyemask, and earplugs, so that when you fall asleep on the L90 for the long busride home, your stomach is full, your blood sugar is high, and you can block out all that ails ya.


Mex said...


Rach said...

goddam those signature red pleather couches

Anonymous said...

Oh my god, I love burgers. It is the only thing that gets me in the cab to go home, the thought of burgers.... I have been known to spend a fortune going out of my way in cabs and then buy half the store so I can keep some in the fridge for breakfast when I wake up. Mmmm, reheated burger. It's better than my macaroni cheese and chocolate milk for breakfast phase.

Sarah said...

Ewww gross... but very accurate!

Steph said...

You should be our next Prime Minister! You're an ideas woman. I love you!!!