Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Back-Boob McGee

I get a lot of comments like "all you do is whinge and complain on this blog" yeah? and? what's your point? I write this pretty much for my own amusement so I can laugh to myself at how much I crack myself up, yeah i'm up myself, i'm a comical genius, I am my own number one fan. So if you do happen to read my blog, its really of no consequence to me, its a bonus if you like it, if you don't.. are you on my christmas card list? then I dont really care. And right now, I'm pretty much whinging and complaning about you whingeing and complaining about my whingeing and complaining, and thats the kind of maths I dont even want to think about. It hurts me in the brain-part.

On with the Whingefest.

Wow, some people really have NO FUCKING IDEA about Public Transport Etitquette. I have waxed lyrical about this annoyance many times in the past, but every day the general public manages to surprise me with its own dickwittage.

I hate people who stand so close to me. I bet a lot of people hate it too, why else would The Police pen a song called "dont stand so close to me" we are on the same wavelength, Sting and I.. and I bet Sting would totally be on board with what i'm about to say.

When I am in line to buy my ticket, or standing in line to get off the transport device, or pretty much just anywhere in life where standing is required. Do not stand behind me and press your gigantic boobs into my back. It really grosses me out. It's uncomfortable for everyone involved. My shoulderblades don't like your fat mammories pressed up against them, and the other people who have to witness me gagging at this this bizarre sexual assault. Your boobs won't make the line go faster. Step Off Biatch.

Whilst we're on the topic of personal space, when sitting is required, and if you must sit next to me. Please do not continue to sit next to me once the bus is empty and there are 500 other seats. It's just weird. Just assume that everyone on PT hates you doesn't want their bodyparts touching your bodyparts. And when I say everyone. I mean Me.

People who can't work the ticket machine. Jebus, how retarded do you have to be? money goes in, ticket comes out. Why does that take you 15 minutes to figure out? Why is it always someone in my line who needs a quick karate jab to the back of the head to make them think quicker?

And finally what is with those people who work at BOOST Juice being so peppy? I ordered a juice, I didn't ask for a side order of you singing Michael Buble. Michael Buble sucks on so many levels, and you singing it with your peppyness and your green bandana really takes the joy out of getting the juice to begin with. Shut up already and let me listen to the sweet melody of mangoes and passionfruits being grinded up in the blending machine.


OOh yeah that whinging and complaining felt so goood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I prescribe everyone to have a great whinge and complain, it heals the soul. The black recesses of the soul. ZING!


KittyMeow said...

Fucken aye I hear ya!!!

What REALLY shits me about PT is those fuck-tards who look at YOU like you're the rude c*nt for blocking their direct access to their train! LET THE PEOPLE OFF FIRST!!!

Whinge away girl - I love your blog even though I dont comment much :-D

~crazypeanut~ said...

LOVE your whinge-fests. :)

It's nice to know that there are bus-tards there too. I kinda figured that they all lived here in Canada. ALL taking MY route 6. ~humph~

...and I totally agree with Kittymeow about the exiting of the vehicle. Grrrrrrr

Excuse me now please, but I have to go and google Boost juice .

Jo said...

Just ONCE I'd like to hear someone say: "Here's your juice, bitch. Now FUCK OFF".

Refreshing on all counts.

Mex said...

i purposefully avoid those places where they call out your name for you to collect your order. i mean how RETARDED do people have to be? do they think we are actually going to FORGET what we ordered in the first place?

loving the whinge although i have to disagree with you about moving seats on the bus... i stick by my PT buddy to the bitter end. mostly because they think its weird... hee!

Sarah said...

I'm always in two minds about moving seats once everyone has left the bus... wondering whether it's better to move and give the person their personal space, but risk leaving them all paranoid about whether they smell bad or something, or sitting there uncomfortably while there's several seats free... I've done both, and I'm not sure what's the better option!

Oh and what else is a blog for if not to use it for your own personal whinges and rants? Whinge away!

the fountain of truth..guess said...

I personally like to feel large breasts against my back...mmmmmm...warm and snuggly...

I have always found the best way to payback line up dickheads and bus fuckwits...say nothing of elevator cunts is to drop loud horrendus farts if possible.....but don't try this if their is ANY chance of a wet one..