Sunday, February 17, 2008

does it count if it was just balls?? far as Hens Nights go, mine was fairly enjoyable and hopefully there is nothing I did that will end up on the Society Pages....

Phase 1: Belgian Beer
No they won't take your discount card for the German Pub in Fox Studios, you know why, cos its a different country... Jackass.. Belgia? Germany, its all the same shit.
I'm not usually one for beer drinkin, but I downed a few cold strawberry beers, and passionfruit beer, and laid my stomach with some nice canneloni as to ensure I didnt puke my guts up at a later stage... noone wants to see what walnuts look like in reverse.

Phase 2: Karaoke World
I am just glad that all my friends are in agreement that Britney Spears is fucking awesome, and we all love her till the death. It's also good that we are in agreement that only the first verse and chorus are all thats needed for a song. I had no idea that singing could be so tiring, no wonder today i'm sounding like a hobo, my poor vocal chords...

Phase 3: Maggotron Time
It's funny how one person's drunkness can just creep up on you, one of my friends was soooo drunk that she couldnt get into any of the clubs we tried going to, and rubbing the bouncers shoulder did nothing to sway them either: Note to Maggots - never try to give a bouncer a massage, you will never get in after that. Either way,
I got in. Yay for Me.

Phase 4: Park Time
Gettin high in the Hyde Park, and thankfully some lovely young men went past and mooned us, so I technically saw a nutsack and the hints of a helmet.. my Goal is achieved!

Phase 5: 4 hours go missing
Mansions in Kings Cross..... what were we doing for 4 hours in here?? I don't know, the music was pretty bad and the couches were far too comfy.

Phase 6: Vagina in the Face
Leisa and I decide to avoid all the drama's unfolding at Mansions and look for some snatch, we weren't going to pay for snatch, so we walked along the strip looking for something affordable.. although we did find a brothel, and the girls were very nice, but we decided we didnt have enough money to pay for so much snatch in one go, so we settled for Showgirls. Showgirls is fucking awesome, the guy at the door told me to "go in.. she's in neutral" vrooooooom.

The girls got progressively fuglier as the shows wore on, and they really needed to repaint the pole in the middle, who wants to wrap their snatch around a chipped pole? However, there were two fairly hot strippers in the vacinity, so Leisa and I grabbed our Pink Lemonades and scored a front seat and paid 'Sasha' to do what she does best. I really liked her, she was hot and she had 3 clit rings and could do this amazing bouncy move with her arse, I was impressed. Money well spent! Thanks Sasha.

The second girl was wearing a britney spears schoolgirl dress and really hot Fuck Me boots, so we got her over as well.. then we realised she was definitely part-midget, but fuck it! who doesn't want to see Midget snatch?? she was pretty awesome and could work the pole well (she had some special moves she learnt in the UK which were far superior to the moves the skanks noone was paying for were doing) Again lovely girl, I really think I could be friends with these strippers, sure i've seen your asshole upclose and personal, maybe i'll show you mine, then we'll be even.

The only thing I did that night that I guess would be considered kind of disgusting, was after the midget was done playing herself she wanted to give me a hug and shake my hand, only after did I realise that I just shook the hand she had all up in her.. ah well, whats a little midget snatch germs between friends??

All in all a lovely evening was had by all.
(except my friend who got punched in the face and ended up in Hospital with a broken nose.. ahhh hens nights... they should come with warning labels)


qed said...

Ahhhh, midget strippers in Kings Cross. Now that brings back memories......

Bedazzler said...

I saw you at Mansions on Saturday night and you came up to me waving a ten dollar note and asked me if I'd show you my asshole. You were putrid. I told you to piss off and go down the road to Showgirls.

Rach said...

that was you!!!!

you should have held out longer, I would have given you $20, if not for just a bit of arsecrack

surfercam said...

Nice work, but why did you go and look at naked girls? You can do that anytime once you're married, in fact, husbands normally encourage it!

surfercam said...

Hey, how cool.
The Word Verification for the above comment was "wrdup".
Word Up Rach!

Original Mel said...

Ahhh Mansions. Home of underage private svhool kids. God I used to love that place!

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Holy shit! The bachelorette party I went to seemed bloody tame in comparison! hahahaha!!!

Bedazzler said...

Not really, I've shown every man in Sydney my rectum insides for free, so I probably thought anyone offering money must be some sort of entrapment. Although you're no lady detective, you did try to show me your badge. I'm still picking the pubes out of my molars.