Friday, December 28, 2007

Sharks n Snakes n Santa

My Christmas Adventure in the Whitsundays...

They should really warn you that after 2 jugs of sangria, Snakes will become less like hideous killer serpents, and more like elongated hairless cats, that you will want to get up close and personal with. Snakes are not fond of cameras, they hate the papparazzi. Lesson One of my Christmas Adventure.

Who says you can't have a white christmas in Oz? alls you need to do is go to Whitehaven Beach where the worlds whitest sand will provide a suitable backdrop
This is where I found Dr Evil's secret volcano lair.

On the Great Barrier Reef, I learnt many a thing. Mainly that stupid jerk Al Gore with the worlds most boring and overrated documentary of all time, was right.. Global Warming is killing the reef. V Bad.. who wants to snorkle around and look at debris and shitty dead coral? Bags not. Ok, must remember to recycle and turn off more lights when i'm not using them.

I was super adventurous on Christmas Day and went Scuba Diving. Weird. I was too busy fighting off a panic attack and focusing on breathing that I didnt get to appreciate all the fish out there. Oh and to all you fools in scubaland, Clown Fish are not called Nemo's!!

This gigantic fish was a huge jerk, he is basically the Rob Lowe of the Great Barrier Reef, he will pose for anyones photo, and doesn't mind if people are all over him touching his fins. Why would I want to touch a freakin giant fish? ooh Slimy and Cold. Big Surprise..

Moving on to "Vic Hislop - aka: Sharkman's, totally Dodgy Shark Expo" on dry land.

Vic Hislop is not a man who likes sharks. These are the many amazing things I learnt from Vic Hislops Shark Expo.
* Sharks would prefer to eat meat, over slices of bread. Therefore they are dangerous maneaters that should be killed.
*If you tie dead fish to a boogie board, Sharks will attack it. Thus proving that they are dangerous killing machines, and should be killed.
*If you stuff a wetsuit with fishguts, a shark will attack. Hence, Sharks are out to kill humans and should be erradicated off the face of the planet.
*Most "missing person" cases, can be chalked up to shark attack. Azaria Chamberlain was quite possibly a victim of a vicious white pointer attack.

*Whenever there is a shark attack, the conservationists will spread lies that sharks are like cuddly teddy bears, and contributing to the 'Great Shark Cover Up'.
The highlight of Vic Hislop's Shark Expo, is the 'frozen' shark....which is really just a dried up sad looking thing in an airconditioned glass case of emotion.
Don't forget, Sharks are dangerous, crazy, hellbent on mankinds destruction. You should never try to cuddle one.
Well, that was my Christmas. Hope yours was as informative as mine.


The Blonde Blogshell said...

Merry Xmas! Looks like you had a ball!

Thanks for the tips on the sharks! I was just about to cuddle one -Phew - that would have been close! LOL

Great blog doll!

Cazzie!!! said...

Those pictures are awesome, the place looks lovely. My son Nick loves the shark exhibit pics, he said, "wooowww" when he saw the image of you in front of the massive jaws.
Have a great New Years :)

Steph said...

Hope you have a great 2008 gorgeous!!

Ms Smack said...

Oh, you've inspired me to write a post about the times I was at Whitehaven Beach.

Beautiful photos. Thanks for the trip down memory lane.

Anonymous said...

cool pics on your site, disagree with just about every word written but that's just what i think.
we go in the water we accept where in their world not ours, if you go into someone's house and the owner of the house doesn't like shoes in the house you obey and take your shoes off.
We as humans destroy everything on the land do we have to destroy the ocean too ?