Friday, December 14, 2007

Animal Farts

Sometimes my cat can drop an F-Bomb that clears the room. But is he really that stinky? In the realm of the animal kingdom?

What I would love to do (in the name of science) is to go on Safari and smell some animals in the wild farting. Dangerous? Some would say Yes. But in the name of scientific research, I am willing to put my life on the line.
Do Animals In The Wild Have Smellier Farts Than Those Kept In A Domestic Capacity. A Scientific Paper On The Stinky Habits Of Wilderbeasts.


Here we see The Angry Lion, moments after letting one rip, who begins to be antagonised by other members of the herd for stenching it up, and blowing their cover to some nearby Zebras. Colloquially referred to as "Queefing" or "Gigantic Pussy Fart" amongst natives, the Lion Fart is one of natures most brutal and stenchy farts around. It is also a certain deathwish to get one's nose up close to get a whiff of the elusive 'Wild Queef'.

Next on our journey into the wild, is the Sloth, who is one of natures more disgusting creatures, who seems inclined to stick around and dwell in it's own stench. Why wouldn't one just climb up a tree after such an abomination had left the exit hatch? Only a Sloth can answer that question. On the plus side, because Sloths are known to revel in their own farts, it is not hard for a Fart-Seeker to find one of these captivating animals lingering around on a tree stump with a weird look on its face.


And finally we come to the Lonesome Giraffe. Giraffe's are actually very social creatures, but they are often spotted on their own, seeming to tend to their own thoughts in the wild. However, It is a little known fact that Giraffes have quite bad memories, so it is not unheard of for a gigantic fight to erupt hours after a fart was released over who was the supposed culprit, each denying culpability and never speaking to each other again. Part of this phenomena lends itself to their gigantic necks, and the time it takes for a 'Giraffart' to make its way up to their noses. Whilst it is a sad fact that many Giraffes will never speak to each other again, it is not hard for a Fart-Connoisseur to sneak up behind one in the bushes and get a good whiff.

4 comments:

kiki said...

see, something like a giraffe wouldn't be so bad as they are herbivores

it's all relative to what the animal eats

carnivores have the worst smelling pooh.

Adam said...

Would you sell my your pictures for so many dollars? They are ace and I'd like to 'ang 'em on me wall.

( . )( . ) said...

haha your so crazy.

My cat farts bad when I feed her whiskas, that shit is just full of preservatives!!

The Blonde Blogshell said...

You are not well :-)