Tuesday, November 20, 2007


One of the perks (depending on how you look at it) of having time off to recover from irritating surgery of the mouth is time spent on the couch watching 'Flavor of Love' marathons, Biography Channel, and E! 50 most scandalous on-set hookups... and the greatest thing of all, is having my brain reduced to such mush that I actually pay attention to the infomercials.

Wow. I have totally been wasting my life sitting around doing nothing, when I could have been out inventing the worlds stupidest CRAP and making a fortune. Much like the millionaire character from 'Garden State' who invented 'silent velcro' there are tonnes of these freaks out there inventing stuff that not only does society not need, but the garbage landfills that we throw this junk into doesn't need either.

The best (nee - worst) informercial for the worlds most useless crap I saw was for the Jump Snap.. it's a skipping rope, without the rope. Genius!! what sort of caveman wants to use a skipping rope that has an actual rope! only a moron would want that. This "computerised" rope, is not only easier to use than a rope (cos ropes require college degrees) but it comes programmed with the sound effects of a real rope (imagine being the sound technician that recorded that).

What a fantasticly stupendesly supercalafragelistically stupidly genius idea. But I ask, what good is a ropeless skipping rope for someone who wants to hang themself? or if you were trying to scale down a wall escaping from a fire. Or wanted to tie someone up and get kinky?? If this is signalling the end of the trusty rope, I will be very disappointed with society.

Also, how many types of 'new and improved can openers' does the world need? I admit, I'm no Einsten, but I always manage to open my cans of catfood without slicing my hand open, or spilling the contents all over the bench. Perhaps we should have more stringent standards for people who should be allowed to buy canned goods rather than the 'Can Opener 2000 XL'


Q said...

I couldn't even begin to tell you how much I agree with you on this one!!!!!

Kelly said...

Gotta love it.

It is my kind of workout though. i could just swing it while watching tv on the couch and it would tell me I am losing weight.