Sunday, October 07, 2007

The life of Danger

I'm pretty reckless. I jump out of planes, trudge up volcano shelves, drink, indulge in illicit substances, have un-protected sex, use oujia boards. I know the risks that I am putting my body, soul and freedom into.. I care not.

One thing that keeps me awake at night, stressing, and being a big baby over is : DENTAL HYGIENE.

I floss everywhere. I carry it around in my purse and floss at work, clubs, waiting for public transport. I am like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman sneaking around flossing in bathrooms when people think I am snorting the white stuff.

I wouldn't care for a second about changing a lightbulb with the power still possibly on, but will balk at drinking something besides water before bed.

There is nothing worse than going to the dentist and being told you have decay.. well there is one thing worse.. being told you have to have all your wisdom teeth removed.. that is yet to come.

So no matter how much I floss, act stringent with fizzy drinks and sugar, my fucking teeth are still prone to decay.. the dentist is always like "so.. do you floss".. yes I fucking floss.. do you want to look in my handbag for decided proof??

Then also being shown how to floss properly.. no shit?? you floss in between your teeth?? all this time and i've been flossing my asshole.. what a dope am I. No wonder I need 4 fillings.

Arghh Decay!! Damn You!!!! Well teeth, from now on its just water.. constant flossing and a meal of steamed Bok Choi for the rest of your bony little lives.. I'm sure my stomach will thank me later.

Fun. Wisdom Teeth Removal in 10 days and counting... I want the gas. gimme the gas!

5 comments:

Sarah said...

Wow that's no fun! I only floss a couple of times a week because with braces it takes a full goddamn half hour, but I've never had a cavity. Probably thanks to my Mum giving me fluoride tablets as a kid- looks like her dental health nazi act paid off...

Good luck with the wisdom teeth thing, that can be pretty awful. Stock up on ice cream!

Mick said...

My solution? Don't go to dentists.
Has worked for me to nearly 15 years :)

That tooth pain goes away after a while...and those 4 wisdoms that have come up? They'll sort themselves out!

Anonymous said...

I heard that people who are prone to decay have less saliva than others and the pH of their mouth is too high.

Try using chewies after meals and don't snack.

There's also some OTC meds you can get, but heard they make your mouth 'juicy' feeling and gross.

I had four wisdom teeth out about a year ago. The actual extraction wasn't bad but the infection for the next two weeks was almost unbearable! Good luck with it, and if you think that there is anything remotely off about it after (there should be NO pain at all) go back to the dentist.

I am also a super dooper flossing fan :)

Lad Litter said...

In Woody Allen's Play It Again Sam he's told he has a blind date: "Wow! Tonight I'm going to brush ALL of my teeth."

KittyMeow said...

Oh fuckity fuck - good luck with the wisdom teeth removal.

Your post struck a chord with me cos I haven't been to the dentist since I was in grade 10 (SHAME SHAME). My teeth are crooked and I want them fixed at the tender age of 23 so I worked up the courage to go.
Turns out I have NO cavities and very strong teeth. WOOO. Still got fillings tho from when I was a sugar munching little shit.

Once again, good luck - and keep flossing!!! :-D