Friday, August 31, 2007

Howdy Stranger

I love giving out fake names, and sometimes entire fake backstories to strangers.
The people who I lie to about my identity most are the peeps at Starbucks..
Whenever they ask me my name I usually go by "Vern. V-E-R-N. Vern" I like the name Vern, and its nice to pretend to be Vern, Vern drinks coffee (rachel does not) Vern pretends to like the new Paul McCartney CD on sale (rachel thinks Paul McCartney is a sellout) Vern reads The Financial Review (rachels eyes glaze over and she tries to keep drool off her shirt). It's good to be Vern. Verns order is never fucked up. Vern leaves a nice tip..
However, if i'm on a plane i'll make up a huge story about my identity to tell the person sitting next to me, I once told this really nice family that my name was Mallory and I had a twin sister called Valery. It was all I could to contain myself to not get up mid-flight and put on a different top and pretend to be my non-existant twin sister.


River said...

you've just reminded me of the night I was a whole different person for about 40 minutes while waiting for my bus home.

Captain Smack said...

I am sometimes "Earl". Earl is a redneck mechanic who has lots of out-of-body experiences, but doesn't make a big deal out of it. I bet Vern and Earl would hit it off.

non-Blondie said...

I used to do that a lot, but thats coz I worked in a sleazy bar and wanst about to give people my real name and life story for a $2 tip!

Now I do it by accident when people mis-hear me because I cant be bothered correcting them - as they think I'm weird.

Anonymous said...

LOL! I so want to be a Candy. I'll tell them I am an exotic dancer, just to see what they do. hehe

Anonymous said...

Wow, you are my worst nightmare. The crazy woman that kills me in my sleep with nothing but an orange peeler.

Well done.