Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Pregnancy Flu

Anyone who has known me for a long period of time, will tell you that I am not "down" with children, they bore me, they smell, babies are fun until they scream and shit their pants, toddlers are fun when they're not ruining things and crying, and mostly should be tied up, I am seriously lacking in the maternal genepool.

I have long said that I would never have babies, and if I did, i'd only play with it whilst it was being good, and lock it in a cage or send it to Boarding School when it stopped being interesting.

Then I started working with Children.

Some might say that this was a rather bizaare career move for someone who is allergic to children. They would be right.

After many hours spent watching kids do dance routines, puppet shows, fashion parades, talking to them about their favourite subjects, movies and bands, I have discovred my desired niche child.. A Creative Articulate 10 year old, whom one can hold a reasonable conversation with.

Where can I get me one of these?? Childbirth doesnt interest me at all. Neither does having a screaming baby tying me to the house in my pyjamas for 3 years and having what people refer to as "baby brain". I want an articulate smart funny 10 year old who can tell me WHY they preferred the 3rd Harry Potter movie over the most recent. I dig kids with well formed opinions.

Then I got the "pregnancy virus" from all my 10 year old child yearnings.

Yesterday I could not stand the smell of the perfume I was wearing and needed to shower. twice. in order to get rid of the offensive odour.. then throw everything I had come into contact with in the wash.. Blegh.. so nauseaus.

Then I had The Cravings.. Cravings for mashed potato and gravy. at 11pm.. I had to make it, and I did, otherwise I wouldnt have been able to sleep.

Team that with my incessant nausea at the mere thought of certain foods "pad thai!" BLEGGHHHH, Milk and Cereal BLEGHHHH, any form of scented deoderant of perfume.. SPEWWWW!!!

Yeah I definitely have the pregnancy virus. Hope I pop out a nice 10 year old.


Jo said...

Will a midget with a degree do the trick?

Rach said...

PAH!!! perfect..

as long as it doesnt touch me

the midget hands give me the creeps.

Mike from Adelaide said...

Yeah. I've got one of those. The problem is that these precocious kids think they already should know more than you. Then you come to the realisation that even though they don't, they will and sooner rather than later.

It is nice to know that you can have a mature conversation with your kid, even if you can't admit to anyone else you get your best ideas from a 10 year old.

Unc said...

I can loan you an articulate 11yr old, quite artistic, intelligent, helpful and female.

The boy fits criteria but is out of age bracket...12.

Unc....feedlot father

redcap said...

Perhaps you can rent one? You can do that with exercise bikes.