Sunday, July 22, 2007

The Piano - Belated Review

I don't know how many years ago THE PIANO came out, but I watched it for the first time on the weekend, and I have to say; it was a great film, whilst being a stupid piece of shit.

WHY did this film have to be set in New Zealand.. having the film set in NZ totally ruined it.. yeah its about some guy who transplants his new family to another country, but hey - why couldn't they just be transplanting the other side of their own country? or town?? NZ is sooo ugly, full of big ugly trees and "natives".. its really hard to take Sam Neil seriously when he's on the screen with a bunch of natives with shit all over their face...

There are some movies where having mauri's with shit all over their face really works - Once Were Warriors, KING KONG - this work's.. sadly, The Piano is not one of them.

Especially seen as how it was set in 'Pioneer Time' having Holly Hunter run around the forest wearing some hideous pokey bonnet made this film almost un-watchable.

So Jane Campion, these are my suggestions - keep the story of love, betrayal, pain, anguish, fingers being chopped off, choosing life over death and the piano, but lose the pokey bonnets and natives with shit all over their face...

And whilst we're at it - can Anna Paquin fire her agent?? If you're winning Oscars at 6 years old, then doing films where the most interesting thing about you is a white streak in your hair - you've really gone downwards (FYI that look is sooooo 1989 - its called Degrassi High, you Caitlyn wannabe)

THE PIANO ** TWO STARS, one for seeing Harvey Keitels Doodle, and another for seeing it again in rewind then playback in slow-motion.


Marcheline said...

Harvey Keitel's doodle is the only thing I really remember about that movie.

Oh, and I think there was a piano in there somewhere.


Bedazzler said...

If you really thought THAT was bad, watch Holy Smoke, then it will make The Piano seem like the best movie ever made.

Sez said...

I second what Bedazzler said.