Sunday, July 15, 2007

No Beetroot Club

If there is one thing in this world I am OBSESSED with - its having white teeth. I want Iceberg White Teeth, I want Teeth that are so white, that during a war, the army would call upon me to fight for the allies and blind the enemies fighter-pilots with my smile.

I tried the usual whitening toothpastes - didn't do shit, Whitening Strips - pffft, Gargling 6% Peroxide - was ok, till coming home drunk and gargling it undiluted - tastes like the spoof from a slimy giant who lives under a moudly rock in a garbage dump. Foul. What to do, What to do.. Till finally my answer came from who else? But The Gays..

The Gays know everything. This one gay in particular told me that the ONLY way to whiten your teeth is to get a special mouthtray and some "illegal mouth domestos" from Mexico off Ebay... Any other Whitening Option is just pointless or expensive (ie: that laser whitening - you'd be better off spending your $900 on buying a new head)

So off I goes to get my tray and my 'legal' whitening gel.. so far so good, have to wear do it for 14 days then I should be able to stop traffic with my pearly whites.

Some might call me "superficial" or "vain".. but hey, at least now I have an excuse not to eat Beetroot, or drink "cola" or teas and coffees because my dentist told me too... No "Dark" food or drinks for me.. Wanker? Yes.


AJ said...

ooooh I cannot wait for a before and afetr shot!!!

redcap said...

Oh god, I'm way too lazy. I look at my shitty teeth in the mirror occasionally and use Bloke's whitening toothpaste and then forget about how crap I look. Tevs. Like I'm a super model anyway ;)

Anonymous said...

You have to share where you got this! I want white white white teeth! Before and afters are expected! :-D Good luck!

mg said...

In high school one of my friends had blindingly white teeth. I had braces and I was super mega self-conscious about them. So in science one day one of the guys says to my friend with the white teeth, "Why do you have to brush them so white? Argh, my eyes!" My friend replied, "What do you want me to do, brush them grey?" Meantimes I was aware of not having brushed my teeth that morning and just wanted the earth to proverbially swallow me up. Just thought I'd share that. ;)