Friday, June 01, 2007

References

A good reference can change your life, it can get you a job, it has the power to make or unmake a happy future. Everyone has their staple work references on their resumes, the peeps who you trust to go "yeah, she's a good worker, reliable, honest, punctual".. will say all the stuff that future employers need to hear...

What about other references ??. I have a lot of skills that are pretty good, and people have commented on, I am considering adding these to my resume the next time the Looking for a New Job bug bites.

Cuppa Tea Reference - Tim the Film Director, he liked my tea. Russian Caravan is my speciality, although I have been commented on my Irish Breakfast... its always the biccies though that make the experience a memorable one.

Making Pants Look Better Reference - i've been told I have a good ass in jeans... hence pants look better when I wear them. In your face coathangers.

Placating Idiots Reference - I am good at pretending to care about what idiots are talking about when they ramble on for hours... Just ask any idiot out there.

Getting Away with Shit Reference - for this you'd have to call some of my dearest friends, as they could definitely vouch that I manage to get away with naughty shit all the time.. I'm sneaky and I like to be bad...

Bong Skills Reference - Back in the stoner days, my bong making skills were pretty legendary, the secret is to use an orchy bottle and use a lighter to melt the plastic just enough, then shove the hose thru (stolen from a church - the naughtier the hose, the higher you'll get).. and seal it up with some blu-tac.

Freakishly Strong Reference - anyone who has ever moved furniture with me can vouch for my freakish strength when it comes to lifting a couch up 6 flights of stairs, to be fair, couches are mostly foam.. but what about a bookcase made entirely of wood (unable to be disassembled) thats some heavy shit.. I guess when you only do anything strenuous every 3 - 4 years you have a lot of reserved energy built up.

Craft Skills Reference - Anyone who has ever been the recipient of one of my 'craft presents' can vouch for my outstanding abilities to transform a champagne glass into a magical wonderland by use of a pack of dinosaur stickers.

Ability to Break The Ice Reference - you could ask these guys i'm working with, on my last day I broke the ice at a quiet lunch eating a communal lebanese feast, by regalling people of the tale when I ate so much tabouli I almost died.. in year 10 friends of mine had made tabouli during Food Tech, and I loooove tabouli, so I ate about four lunchboxes full.. then next day I couldnt keep my sphincter closed for longer than 10 mins.. was taken to the doctors.. probed anally to see if I had an exploding appendix... turned out I just ate too much parsley... kinda disgusting lunchtime story, but it was relevant considering all the tabouli on the table and this is my last day anyway. Fuck em if they dont like my stories.

and to be honest, these are the skills that get me thru life... computer skills, PAH!! i'm only so good on a computer because I spend 9 hours a day on MSN chatting to my bestie so my typing speed is thru the roof. And i'm not punctual. So there.

3 comments:

Julia said...

Brilliant.

Nuff said.

Outta here - TGIF!

phishez_rule said...

Hey I've just been catching up your blog. OMG about the last job. And very well done lasting even seven days there. I would have blown my top and walked out by day two.

And congrats on the new job. Sounds waaay better than the other one.

Steph said...

Good bong making skills are sadly under-rated.
I think you should add that to your CV for sure. Especially when going for positions in the music industry.