Wednesday, June 13, 2007

My Bladder....

I don't know if I have some sort of Pavlov's Dog syndrome, but being near certain inatimate objects, makes my bladder go from "will need to pee soon".. to "pee running down my leg"

for instance: Keys.. if I get my keys out of my handbag on the way home from work its like a magic remote control contacts my bladder and it says "heyyyy I really need to pee... like now"

Sometimes I don't even have to go that badly, and I make my way to the loos with ease, BUT if I happen to be wearing a belt, that day I will need to struggle with my belt whilst my bladder has serious issues.

wtf is the go with that?

When I finally do get home of a night, its like a marthon olympics sprint thru the house to the bathroom, my iPod gets thrown on the kitchen floor, my jacket and pants get trampled off as I stuggle to make it in time... i'm not one for athletics, but I could win a 100m sprint if it was 6.30, it was nighttime, and I had my keys in my hand, and I was walking up the stairs to my house.

But it wasn't always like this...... my scariest moment happened when I was 25, when I kinda sorta didnt make it home in time, and needed to throw a certain pair of underpants out.. Is this some sort of bladder secret that is societys dark mark? Are we all like this??

Or is it just me? Me and my stupid bladder with an obsession for Keys?

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am EXACTLY the same. I can like not need to go all day, as soon as I go to put the keys in the door _ BANG! i'm nearly peeing my panties.

Missy said...

Your not alone.

I too have this same affliction, its like my bladder has some sort of GPS unit that can sense its proximity to anything white and porcelain and its ALWAYS the jingle of keys that sets the ball in motion.

The worst days were at high school when I had to walk home with a heavy backpack. My bladder would "see" my keys ready to open my mail box and start to act up every time. By the time I found the right damn keys in my overflowing bag of shit I still had to open the security door, run up 8 flights of stairs, open the front door with 3 locks and a slide chain that you need to stick your arm through a half open door to unlock. Lets just say that some days - I wasn't so lucky.

Its a conspiracy I tell ya.

Enny said...

It only seems to kick in once I get my keys out - I can be in a semipee mood when I leave work and fine while I'm driving... but as soon as I reach for the keys they're going to fall to the hardest place to find in my bag, my bag handle gets stuck on the gear stick, I drop the keys in the driveway, I only get one shoe off at the door and then there's a trail of destruction to the loo-room.

Word ver: eneeehy - the noise I make trying to get in to pee.

phishez_rule said...

I have that when alcohol is concerned.

Unfortunately I also had (in the past) a desire to ONLY use my toilet where humanly possible. I once had one of those moments where I was all 'I can make it, I can make it...' but I didn't. Gross huh?

Sakura said...

I don't know if it affects guys like it affects women, but I am terrible for it. I don't know what it is, bloody stupid brain !

poody said...

I know the feeling as a nurse I have held my urine for 10-12 hours beofre but nowadays I find that the minute I am on my own front steps the bladder decides that yes this is the place to go!RIGHT NOW! I do not get it but am thankful that for right niow it is the bladder and not the bowels that are relaxing on me! hell getting old that!

RAFFI said...

being a man is great. just whip it out and take care of business... i just have to remember to open the hatch in my stormtrooper outfit before

Neily said...

I need to pee only when its not possible, say like, in an elevator, a small boat etc. I think im mentally pee retarded

surfercam said...

Lunch - as soon as I get back to my office, sit down with my lunch, I need to get up again and go for a piss.

George said...

I dated a girl once who was like you are describing but she had an additional problem ... she would try holding it and it would refuse and trickle down her leg. We were queued once to go into a theater and she asked for a tissue. She proceeded to wip the top of he left foot/show.

Steph said...

Do you do the "Need to pee" dance though? That is the mark of a bastard bladder.
i do this little jig whenever I'm at my front door or in a manky nightclub queing to use the loos.

Sanjeeva said...

Et TU STEPH>>>>>>Jah!!!!!!!!!!!!!I am in hallowed company..........Everytime I near my office, near his highness the ruler of DXB'S very own horse stud farm....i have to go........and just then the signal would go red....have you ever tried doing a u turn in your car holding your crotch?????and drive for 5 whole minutes only to discover that the c ommon loos are full up......shiete.run up and get the keys to the private loo for execs.........

redcap said...

And you should SO never get in the car needing to pee. I mean, what if you had an accident and it all went to... putty?