Thursday, May 03, 2007

That's Karma Baby...

Today I went to the MIND BODY & SPIRIT show... in the hopes of seeing a psychic and having them tell me what's going to happen to me and cleanse my filthy chakras... Instead I brought some soap (spiritual soap) a rock (a magic rock) some edgy honey drink (edgy)... and was almost tricked into buying some reallllly lame jewellery cleaner.

The psychic was pretty cool, although I was all hopped up on my edgy honey drink that I would have agreed with anything she had to say "You're too sensitive" "damn right!!".. "you need to chill the fuck out" "I'm chillaxed baby"... Hopefully some of what she says rings true.. otherwise I just wasted $40 on some crazy old woman...

Now back to the Jewellery Cleaner.. this woman was amazing... long eyelashes, clean, neat, and she could get rid of any grime build-up you had on your silverware within minutes.. she did the 'crusty old vinnies silverware' trick several times and I was entranced... she really made me feel bad about my crusty silver necklace and grotsky ring.. I was too dirty to be in her presence.

But eventually I thought... do I really want to be one of those freaks who needs to go out and buy crappy silverware just to show people how awesome the magic cleaner board is??? and make my friends come over and clean their jewellery for them?? do I really want to be that person?? I decided I did not.. One spiritual victory for me.

That's where the joy ended for my spiritual journey... what they don't tell you is that you shouldn't give these 'spiritual' show people 'tude.. cos they will put a curse on you, and you'll get a ticket on the way home on the bus (cunts)

Bad Karma Mistake 1# - the lady with the massaging seat stall, was all "do you want a free massage??" and I was all "hell no! that thing almost ripped my calf muscle off last time.. it is soooo painful" and she was like "no it's NOT!" then she uttered some curse under her breath at me.

Bad Karma Mistake 2# - the angry wench from the WSPA (animal cruelty peeps).. now I am all for animals, and I give money to charities.. but I fucking HATE wspa, because one of the volunteer freaks stalked me for about 2 months trying to get my credit card details so I could sign up for a lifetime of donations.... I like to spread the love, so committing to one charity isn't for me... anyway, this WSPA wench was like "do you like monkeys??" and i'm all "yes.. but one of you peeps stalked me once" and she's all "soooo?"... i'm pretty sure she cursed me too.

So when I got accosted by the jerk inspector on the bus on the way home, I got my comeuppance... I hate comeuppance.

But at least I have a magic rock, and the psychic said I have "the gift".. which I proved by telling some guy that his lost wedding ring is in his bathroom under the cabinet.. he was pretty stoked.. as it's been missing for 5 months.

So if I don't get any of the jobs I applied for (which I am ZEN about now) I am going to start a business called "I'll find your shit (dot com)" and use my "gift" to magically located lost items.. costs a buck... and if I was wrong, hey at least you're only out a buck.


surfercam said...

I think you should turn your life into a doco (I won't say Reality TV Show, because that would make it 'cheap')- Because there is always weird and funny shit happening to you.

Jo said...

My ex-housemate was a psychic.
I called her once from the shops to ask if there were any peas in the freezer.
She said "I'm not at home, sweetie".

I said "So?".

John said...

I lost my virginity. Where do I send the $?

Julia said...

Haha have always wondered about those Mind Body Life shows - thanks for sharing the wisdom.

mg said...

Hah. I once called a psychic (found in the classifieds of the local paper) because I'd mislaid an important folder of work stuff and I was desperate. I was talked into a tarot card reading. I still try to keep an open mind.