Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Position Vacant - Wank Studios

Position Available for a slave/robot.
Must have no feelings.
Must be able to see thru walls to see if the kitchen is dirty.
Must be able to sense if the dishwasher needs turning on/emptying
Must be able to break into locked rooms without keys.
Must be able to read minds.
Must be able to sense when the humidity in the air drops and to refill the oil burners to avoid an evaporation.
Must be ok with being called "hey you" and only be spoken to when someone needs a courier, petty cash, or you to book a taxi.
Must be ok with touching toilet seats and putting them down. No Germophobes.
Must like music and enjoy listening to shitty tracks the composers write and pretending they are good.
And finally, must be able to handle scooping out soggy tofu and rice out of the sink with no gloves. That's right... bare hands.. imagine that texture would ya!
People with brains, ambitions, standards need not apply.
FYI - this job is technically a dishpig role.. get used to it.

Some chick showed up today to interview for my job... she had on a short skirt and some seriously bruised legs.. mmmm bruises.. classy... if she's a crackwhore at least she will be numbed to the mental pain of working in this place.

3 comments:

Cazzie!!! said...

So I could recommend it to my sister in law then, sweet, she fits the profile perfectly!

Sakura said...

I can't believe you lasted that long, I would have probably gone super nova on the second or third day.

Did you get a Flava Flav Clock leaving pressie??

Jobe said...

Bruised legs are the new black (and blue).