Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Being "nice"

Why is it that at any given opportunity to make a speech, people completely wreck it by being 'nice' and thanking the people that helped them along the way??

Isn't the whole point of doing something great and being rewarded for it a perfect opportunity to rub it in peoples faces?

Obviously some respects should be called out during a victory win - ala Rocky's timeless 'Adrieeeeeeeeene'. But other than during a boxing match when you're losing braincells by the second, I think you could come up with something better than that.

Why at Oscar time does each winner feel the need to go thru the name of every producer, agent, director and co-star they worked with. They have big enough ego's, surely those 40 seconds would be better spent saying something along the lines of;

"yo yo! thanks a lot! this will look great next to my best-improved netball trophy. to all the other nominees, suck shit, my movie was clearly better than yours, oh and to anyone from my highschool that's watching this FUCK YOU. Hope you like working in your dogfood factories whilst I'm living it up with my millions - can someone take a photo of me up here??"

I would watch the Oscars for that. I don't need to see a bunch of mentally incompetent suckups (read: actors) be overly nice to each other for the sake of it. Its fake. You aren't fooling anyone that you aren't wanting to shove your victory down the throats of the losers.

Same goes for weddings. "thanks to the bridesmaids, you look beautiful" no they don't. mostly bridesmaids are the fatter fuglier friends of the bride, so chosen because they make the bride look better on her wedding day. Plus noone looks good in red satin, unless you are Santa's naughty little whore.

Ideally in a wedding speech the groom or best man would be able to say "and thanks a lot to all the obligatory family members for showing up and eating the food. we didn't want to invite you, hopefully you all leave early so we can go party with our friends sooner than later"

I am choosing not to have children at my wedding, mainly so I dont have to turn around during the ceremony and say "can you shut that screaming brat up! and get the fuck out" mainly because noone wants to hear the bride say 'fuck' as part of her wedding vows. But it would feel good to say those words to the selfish bitch who thinks her screaming children are a 'miracle' and that a screaming child is 'cute'. they aren't. screw you and your ovaries.

Being nice and polite just takes a lot of energy, it would be a more realistic world to live in if everyone told the truth, rather than when the heifer at works goes around bragging how she lost 5kg, rather than saying 'congrats' you say 'only 50 more to go', instead of smiling and throwing away the bad Christmas presents you get from clueless relatives, you should go up to them and go "what is this plastic piece of shit? did you go Christmas shopping with a blindfold on? I don't want this. if I take it home i'll just set it on fire and throw it off my balcony. you keep it"

Everyone would be living a much more stressfree existence if we all said what was on our minds. all the time. sure you might not have any friends, but if they can't take the heat. stop being a moron.


Julia said...

Nothing is original these days. It's all just lame, lame, lame.

Unc said...

No children invited....what about me....I'll behave ...promise...he he he....absolutly will not get drunk and cause family embarrassment through totally inapproriate remarks about bogans from the western suburbs who give WHAT sort of chrissy presents...and I will def. not smoke joints in foyer of establishment nor will I fart during toast to bride and groom..

I PROMISE...PPPLLEEEAAASSSEEEE can I come ...huh, huh.

The Unc..fountain of some truth..but don't hold me to it.

Cazzie!!! said...

Exactly, bullshit pisses me off too Rach, At our wedding we just invited people we see every day, fugg the relos we never see, and his mum's friends who we never see but she wanted them there so I said you can have em there if you pay. Well, she didnt pay and they didnt get to come so I didnt give a shit.
Then, when his mum said I oughta be doing the rounds of the tables to chat to the guests I said, fugg no, they can come se me on the dance floor, this is my wedding, not yours!!
Gotta be honest, and whats up with the oscar winners thankin God, I would soojner say, "Thanks to me and all my hard work I got here so yall can go get f'd" PMSL true!!!

surfercam said...

I hate it when people start their speeches "I'd like to thank God..."

Marcheline said...

"fuck you and your ovaries"... ummm... isn't that where all the trouble started?


- M