Wednesday, February 21, 2007

$250,000 for anal sex

So, the QM2 was in Sydney, whoopdee friggen doo... i catch a ferry every morning, giant boats don't phase me, unless they're about to crash into me, then i mind a little.

In all honesty it was quite breathtaking - very large - very classic, but at the end of the day - just a boat.

A boat that caused havoc of traffic around my unit, I was this close (!!) to throwing my butter chicken on someone if they so much as slowed down for any reason in the cars in front of me.

A boat that has suites at $250,000 for 80 days. Kinda ludicrous non?? This is how the conversation would go should I ever be rich enough to book a suite on the QM2

Ring Ring!
Operator: Hello
Me: Hi, i'd like to book the $250,000 anal sex suite thanks
Operator: the what?
Me: The anal sex suite, the suite where my boyfriend can have anal sex with Natalie Portman
Operator: i.. dont ... understand
Me: Its the $250,000 suite that comes with a blowjob everynight by Natalie, that's 80 nights worth mind you! and at the end you can fuck her in the ass. I assume that seen as how i'm a girl i'll be given the option of having Ryan Reynolds or Matthew McConaughey giving me pleasure as well...
Operator: .............
Me: AND! for those prices, i'll also be wanting a human sized kitty litter tray for myself to crap in, and ryan reynolds scooping it up naked.

Is that really too much to ask??

8 comments:

Marcheline said...

I think they only offer those services at the rehab clinics in Antigua

Jo said...

Cheaper version available on any P&O cruise.

Gam said...

it'd have to be salma hayek. i don't believe natalie portman has an ass with which one could have intercourse. you get your own butler in those suites too. man i want to be rich enough to have a butler, he'd only be allowed to call me 'lord vader'. yeah...

Unc said...

....This would have to be the best comment on the QM2 visit.....when I go on my next cruise could you please book it for me...But could you please request a suite with all members of Spice girls (lets call it the QM2 reunion tour of Suite 666)..well oiled, naked with buttplugs...

Steph said...

Oh GOD i love you! I'm having the shittiest day from hell, and after reading two of your posts I'm laughing like a demented hyena!!

Thank you, thank you!
Now, for 250k, I'd want to be rimmed every hour, on the hour, by that dude from Prison Break.

Can you arrange that if i come up with the cash?

surfercam said...

Seems a bit excessive. Normally a nice bottle of Chardy will do the trick...

Julia said...

What kills me is that most of the food would still be frozen, so you're paying $250,000 for lobster - but frozen lobster. You can keep that.

redcap said...

Ha ha ha! You crack me up, Rach. I'd love to have been watching the operator's face if that phone call had actually taken place.