Monday, January 29, 2007

Paradise - The Pitfalls

Chimes. I effing hate chimes. "ting ting bing bong clang ting" grrrrrrrrrr!!! Shut up stupid Chimes, chimes can only be tolerated between 10am - 5pm, at all other times chimes should be put in blenders and destroyed. "ting ting BRRRRRRRR CRUNCH" that is the only sounds of chimes i want to be hearing.

Ticking Clocks. TICK TICK TICK ......TICK............ TICK... SHUT UP!!! I wonder if westinghouse makes blenders specifically for destroying household items.

Alarms. I dont know who else but my mum who would think it a good idea to put on the alarm right outside the guest bedroom door and let it blast at full volume, and she cant even hear it from her room. but i can hear it. you bet your arse i can hear it. Death to all Alarms.

Scary Bogans. The Cairns Bogan, sponsored by XXXX, likes getting hammered, having a beard, being smelly, and showering in the water that runs off the drainpipes into the beer garden.

Nature Killers. It seems like every piece of nature up here wants to kill you. Irikanji Stingers in the water (cant swim in the beach, you'll get stung and die) Crocodiles (cant walk on the beach, you'll get eaten) Stinging Trees (trees that only exist to sting you and kill you) Water Holes to Drown at (rocks, rapids, currents, its like a scene out of The Time Machine (the original) with all the Eloi sitting on the rocks watching the girl drown. Fun.) Canetoads (not necessarily killers, but if you were inclined to lick one, you'd probably vomit and start hallucinating)

Damn it... have to go back to the Hammock to relax. And get some snuggling from the Neighbour Cat, whom I have named "Missy Burrito"..

4 comments:

Cazzie!!! said...

So..do you hate that Madonna song, tick tock tick tock??? time goes by so slowly , LOL

redcap said...

What about lawyer cane? That's a bastard too - wants to rip the arse out of your pants every time.

PS I think your mother is trying to tell you that you snore.

Unc said...

Go for the licking of the cane-toad...could induce wonderful insights...ya might feel ill for the first 10mins or so ..but after...Nirvana...chill out on hamock...Just don't tell ma...

Unc Fountain of Truth

Marcheline said...

Actually, I love chimes - but I think we may have gone too far. I gave Bear (my husband) a set of HUGE gregorian wind chimes for yule this year, and we hung them up in the yard immediately.

When there is a small breeze, they really sound lovely. But since we're close to the ocean, we get a lot of very windy nights. And so far I've been woken out of a sound sleep by the sound of those huge chimes bashing about in the wind.

I'm waiting for the neighbors to start in...


- M