Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

This year has been quite temultuous. And after going over my varying degree's of naughty and niceness, I feel at the very least I deserve a block of cheese, or some Tiffany earrings.

Charitable Things I have done this year:

Christenings: At least 3. I have spent many hours in churches being god-loving, and singing hymns about the Lamb of God.. this should give me some credit, especially the ones I went to where I was told I was going to hell because I havent been baptised, but did I punch the smarmy cunt of a priest in the face?? No I did not.

Weddings: Too many. I sat, I prayed, I gave gifts, I gave thanks, I blessed them, I hugged them. And not once did I walk out when the crazy religious sect said that the women need to 'submit' to their husbands. Yeah go the anal rape. Not..

Good Deeds: Loads. Whilst its hard to go into specifics, I am pretty sure I did my part for the environment, and my fellow man, by not going postal and stabbing them in head and dumping their bodies in the ocean.

The only bad things I have done are the usual, abuse of my body, abuse of my mind, making racist jokes, making fun of the elderly, and forgetting to take out the recycling on occasion.

So yeah, make it a block of cheese. Nice cheese.

4 comments:

kate said...

you are an absolute, freaking riot and i love your block. you always crack me up.

good cheese all around! hip, hip, hooray.

Steph said...

You only want cheese?
Fuck off! I have a list as long as my arm and if i don't get the crap i want, santa WILL be sorry.

Do you hear that Santa! Ya big fat, badly dressed prick!

Rach said...

haha... red and white is soooo 1980.. santa needs a revival..
the "badly dressed prick" - so right on.

he always forgets about me.

one year he gave me a battery recharger?? wtf is that shit??

redcap said...

LMAO. There's got to be credit to be had from sitting through weddings. The wine afterwards is just not enough.