Wednesday, November 15, 2006

The Weight of the Universe

What could I have done to have my karma so badly shot, that someone would steal something from me (I care not about the music, its the photos, and a year of writing that has me peeved, and the total invasion of privacy)

Bad things I have done.
  • Refer to my sponsorchild as a 'pitynigger'
  • I had an actress ring up yesterday in tears, and I couldnt do anything to help her predicament
  • cramming two lettuces into one bag at woolworths and only paying for one
  • thought bad thoughts about my neighbours (ie - blowing up their apartment, or shooting them in the head for being loud at 6am on weekends)
  • locking my cat in the 'naughty room' when he does my head in
  • palm off charity beggers in the street
  • swear like a sailor
  • dress like a whore
  • merely 'pausing' at Stop signs
  • think really bad thoughts about Dean Geyer - like what it would be like to rape a man, trapping him with a bible and storing him in a sexual chamber for my pleasure.

Sometimes the world does crazy things - like the time a bag of cocaine disappeared in Quentins undies. Strange.

9 comments:

surfercam said...

"Swear like a sailor. Dress like a whore."
Are you trying to turn me on?

Rach said...

yes

surfercam said...

Ha ha - its working.
As long as you don't start dressing like a sailor and swearing like a whore.

Unc said...

In your list you left out...Promoting Whaling to support worldwide need for whale burgers...

Unc..Fountain of Truth

Rach said...

mmmmmmm whale

redcap said...

Ma ha ha. That was great :) Several things from that list, albeit slightly out of order:

1) I'm immensely impressed you managed to get two lettuces in one bag - I'm utterly unco and have trouble getting one in. It usually ends up poking out the top like some odd flower arrangement.

2) "Pitynigger"! That's gold. I used to refer to ours as Starvin' Marvin (even when he turned into a she after the first one's town got too prosperous).

3) If shutting the cat in the laundry when he's been galloping around the house and trying to get into the wardrobe to eat shoes at 3am is a sin, I'm going straight to hell.

4) I have two words for you re the actress: Drama Queen. Remember, they teach 'em how to cry on demand at starlet school.

5) Swearing like a sailor, dressing like a whore and thinking uncharitable thoughts towards the neighbours are entirely normal. As indeed are whale burgers.

Rach said...

thanks Red!

maybe i'm not going to hell afterall.

I should get baptised though, just to make sure.

michellesarah said...

pitynigger is slightly worse than how one of the general managers at my work refers to sponsor children: 'Povorinos'. He also has a theory that they use the money to play craps, but that's another story.

At least you HAVE a sponsor child, more than I can say for most... (including myself!)

Rach said...

hahaha Povorino...

that is classic

Povorino Pitynigger..

He could be South American.