Friday, November 17, 2006

Howdy Neighbour!

New 'Friendly' Neighbours have moved in downstairs from me. It's a welcome change to the usual freaks that share the building.

She approached me on the stairs last night and introduced herself, shook my hand, and invited me over for drinks! I don't know what was scarier.. feeling like an actual grown-up, or having a stranger be nice to me.

I have always wanted friendly neighbours, someone to borrow things off, someone to look after the cat, someone to keep an eye on things should I be away for a small period of time.

And in my deepest desires, someone to come over and partake in watching crap TV (Big Brother/Aus Idol Finales) and share cooking tips and bitch about the husbands. I was definitely born with a domesticity gene in overdrive.

I should let her know what she's getting into.

Unit 2 - Freak Central. I am not kidding. This is where the crazy guy lives who goes out into the street at 3am and starts arguments with trees, bins, shoes, anything that can't argue back.. "Get off My shoes! Tiger Tiger! Wrong Answer" Mental. AND his flatmate is this old geriatric psychopath who stalks around the building in a nightgown and lipstick looking through peoples mail.

Unit 4 - Home to 'Ruth the Grouch'. Also is a clear case of RSPCA animal abuse with her cat sitting outside in the cold all the time. Heartless Bitch.

Unit 6 - He's cool. He let us use his phone when we got locked out. Now we even wave to each other in Woolworths or other local neighbourhood sightings. I don't know his name though.. He is just known as 'Unit Six'

Unit 8 - Quite possibly dead and rotting in his apartment, he has a pile of mail outside his door that people bring upstairs when his mailbox is full. Until I can smell death in the halls, I'm not calling the cops.

Unit 9 - Random Neighbours who get the guitar out and have frequent parties. I am never invited. Therefore, they suck.

Unit 10 - That's Me. I rock.


surfercam said...

Be careful what you wish for Rach.
We have some neighbours that are always rocking up on our doorstep to talk about crap.
We had been overseas for 2 weeks and we had barely driven up the driveway and they accosted us asking how our trip was.... as we got out of the car!

Unc said...

Under no circumstances should you encourage neighbours...I actually do my best to scare the fuckers off.....shoot off the black poweder cannon on saturday nights...make lots of pissed person noises at least three nights a week...threaten to punch the neighbour out who poisoned my 80 year old Jacarander(in his front yard with all neighbours watching)...actually break the window of renters next door, climb through window and turn down their stereo at 3 in the morning, while they were all flaked out....stole other neighbours pet python snake and let it go at the farm because the fuckers didn't deserve such an animal confined to a fish tank....

As a result of my history I got rid of all renters, and owners now residing nearby think that I am mad as a hatter and run inside if I walk outside.(usually naked)

FUCK OFF NEIGHBOURS...I hate you all...

Unc..Fountain of Truth

Rach said...

fun! cant wait to visit. Hopefully not naked carrying a stolen python around.

surfercam, i need space too. I am all happy for the invites for drinks and parties.. but don't expect me to actually show up.

Russell Allen said...

Using your precise guide I have worked out exactly where you live... number 10. Don't know the road, building or suburb yet but i am working on it.

Rach said...

we have brownish weaved carpet

and green shutters

and a giant huntsman spider outside

that's all for now

redcap said...

We had some neighbours who just wanted to be pals too and it drove us spare. They were so horribly, horribly nice. And they were always there. Unfortunately our side fence is a little low and their house is a little higher than ours, so every time we went outside, they would see us and come over to talk. Thank Christ they moved.