Sunday, October 22, 2006

Horseys

I went to Randwick Races on Saturday with Le Nads, and El. FUN FUN FUN.

POINT 1. Never ever go into the public arena with the plebs. Plebs are smelly and gross. It's membership area only for me from now on... for reals... I can't go back to stinkin PUBLIC grandstand. I may as well go and hang out with Whitey on the staircase and get fleas. They practically hand out samples of 'Revolution', so you dont sue the grandstand for all the fleas you'll catch. To Summarise: Members Area Rulz

POINT 2. Next time bring the following:
  • Horsey trinkets (brooches, necklaces) for looking hot and honing in good luck.
  • Post-its - for sticking KICK ME notes on the back of old people.
  • Fake $100 bills for leaving on the ground so we can steal their chairs when people get up.
  • Dead Bird Carcus - for hanging in my hair and looking gross but fashionable.
  • Only put money on the horses that have freakishly bad odds - Favourite Shmavorite. Only boring people put money on the favourite.
POINT 3. Never go to the races unless you want to see some hardcore 'jetclub' pashing action. This is the new sleaze bar, everyone was completely trashey, the girls were paraletic and the guys were sleazy in their suits and inflated egos from winning $900 in the last race of the day... I saw more tongueing in there than I did in my tongue exam at the dentist last month

POINT 4. Never trust the rich dude in the suit who says he has a 'bus' waiting outside.. he is lying. What he means is he really wants to shag someone, and apparently having a 'bus' is some sort of aphrodisiac to some chicks... whatever.. i'd rather catch a cab home and eat cheap chinese than get rohypnoled by sleazy rich guys.

6 comments:

Cazzie!!! said...

Watch out, the rich dudes bus is realy a horse trailor..complete with hay and horse shit too!!!

Leisa! said...

thanks for the tips, I am going to the racesfor a hens day this saturday.. I saw your last races blog.. iat least we got the room with the lunch and balcony so we don't have to be bogan!

Rach said...

balconys and private rooms are a must!

(Or just spend $65 and go into the members area.)

Members Forever!!
Grandstand Never!!!

Also don't forget horsey trinkits, and put all your money on the freaks!!

surfercam said...

Like the no.1 jacket of the 1980's - Members Only!
Yes, "going to the races" should translate as "going to the trash and pash".
Next Tuesday, we'll all be doing it!

Russell Allen said...

The giveaway is that real rich old folk say limo instead of bus

byron said...

I am enjoying the use of jetclub as an adjective.
I don't know if anyone else gets your reference... but oh my gahhd. The last time I went to the Jet Club (1999, I think?) I got vomited on by some skanktart in pink snakeskin.

RIP The Jet Club. May you rest in rohypnol induced peace. Forever.